Tuesday, May 4, 2010
One of Those Days
I had "one of those days" today. To be honest, this doesn't happen very often. I am not a drama queen and drama doesn't find me, but today...I found my throne. I don't even know where to begin but the words, "blubbering idiot" come to mind. This morning was Holly's Mother's Day Tea in her kindergarten classroom. A substitute teacher was supposed to come to my room at 7:55 a.m. to cover me while I went down for the presentation. I let Holly come to my classroom with me so we could walk in together like all the other mommy's and children. But... the sub didn't arrive until after 8 leaving us to have run to her classroom. When we got there, they had already started. All the mommy's were seated. The whole class was standing in the front of the room in their places singing a song. When I quietly told Holly to go ahead and take her place, she froze. I don't know if she was embarrassed and felt on the spot or what she was thinking. (However, I can relate to her-I am not a "center of attention, in front of the crowd kind of person myself). So I took her in the hall and tried to reason with her and she calmly told me she was not going up. I then threatened to leave since she was not going to be performing. She still would not go up. At that point, I felt tears coming on. So we walked to the bathroom so I could commpose myself. Why was I crying? I started to feel worse when I saw Holly's face wondering what in the world was wrong with me. As we walked back into the room, her teacher asked me if all was o.k. and...I started crying. I went back to the bathroom and composed myself AGAIN. We went back into the classroom and slipped into our seat. The mom to my right, who was also my co-worker said, "Kris, next time, just line your class up and come down with them". And then, you guessed it, I started to cry! The mom to my left, whose son is also in my class, said "Are you o.k.?" And as I nodded yes, the waterworks happened again. OH.MY.GOODNESS. Several more times throughout the day I had to hold back the tears again-I'll spare you the details. What is the matter with me??? You may be reading this thinking, "What's the big deal? You're a woman. We cry." No, not me. I'm not a crier. I don't cry at movies. I'm not emotional like that. And when I do feel tears coming on, you can bet that I use all the strength that is within me to hold them back. Who knows why? But crying is not my m.o. I know my husband has been gone for work for 5 weeks now, and though I thought things were going fine, maybe this is how it catches up to me.
Needless to say, I was drained the rest of the day. I couldn't wait to get home and get my Bible and veg. But that would have to wait. My elderly neighbor, who doesn't drive, asked me to drive her to the rehab center to see my other elderly neighbor, who just had surgery. What could I say but, "It's my pleasure." And it really was. We had a nice visit.
But then I just came home and collapsed. As I "tried" to soak up God's Word, I walked Dylan through the steps of making Ramen noodles. And of course, went through the whole bath and bedtime routine. In the midst of that chaos, God gave me a couple of great verses to cling to:
Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. (Oh boy, can I relate!)
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I LOVE GOD'S WORD!