I apologize in advance for where this post may go. I have tons of thoughts going on and I'm not sure how they all will translate in print!
I just finished reading Mary Beth Chapman's book Choosing to See
It's an amazing book of the Chapman's sorrowful journey, yet somehow they still find hope in everyday life. It was an intense, emotional read. At least for me. It made me want to cling tightly to my children. Since I've started the book, I can't tell you how many times I've prayed that God would never let my children be taken from me. But I know living with that kind of fear is not what God would have for me.
As I was cooking dinner tonight, Dylan was studying for a Bible verse test and reading aloud I Corinthians 13:4-8:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
I've been thinking about my children and those I "love", and as Dylan was reading that, little did he know how much of that verse was speaking to me. Am I being patient and kind in my home? Sometimes, not so much. "It is not self-seeking". Many times I am all about self-seeking. I want my kids to behave because it's more convenient FOR ME. I want them to be kind to each other so "I" don't have to deal with the bickering. I want them to show responsibility so "I" don't have to do more. Do I "keep no record of wrongs" with my husband? Ouch.
A lot of this comes down to pride. I don't want to be prideful-ever-especially with my family.
For our family devotions tonight, we read through a list that I received at work about prideful hearts vs. humble hearts. We played a little game. I read a description and everyone had to guess if it was a description of a prideful person or a humble person. Some of the characteristics of a humble heart are:
*Surrenders control vs. maintain control, must be my way
*Giving spirit vs. demanding spirit
*Dependent spirit;recognizes the needs of others vs. independent, self-suffficient spirit
*Esteem all others better than self vs. look down on others
*compassionate, forgiving, looking for the best in others vs. self-righteous, have a critical fault-finding spirit
Oh, how I want to love my family with humility. And putting aside what I feel, I know that I don't have what it takes in me. It is only through Christ that I can love like I Cor. 13. Amen.